Biblical Parenting should be viewed as training via some simple but unique actions of faithfulness: fellowship, caring, friendship and practical training.and prioritizing
TIME for BUILDING Christlike Character:
Parenting is God’s plan and thus God’ s will for humanity. As a part of God’s common grace to His creation the leadership, responsibility and selfless love of a parent is the expected norm for all families, Christian or non-Christian alike. Due to the failures and failings of a sinful and fallen human nature parenting is greatly ‘challenged’ and compared to Christlike and Biblical standards only a shadow of its potential.
In these chaotic times the idea of Christian parenting as something that requires giving time, energy and attention seems to many people to be a somewhat “useless” – idea. Life's "things" seem out of control, just too confused. Giving more time or finding more "quality time" might seem just too daunting?
The priority in Biblical parenthood requires giving individual and ‘quality time’ that is dedicated to the training of each member of the family! Quality time ...is not an option and no amount of despair or frustration with life's realities can excuse our inaction or lack of sacrifice. Consider that Deuteronomy 6:1-25 was written when Israel had every reason to despair. The purpose or goal of Christian child training is quite clear, it is making every reasonable effort to better equip each family member for greater service to God and to others with the greater goal of bringing glory to God. These are not options!
Admonition (teaching and teaching by being an example of the right kind means's finding the right time for one another. This "right time" is invaluable – no price that is paid is really too great! Such proactive Christian parenting is possibly best understood as some very simple but unique actions of faithfulness: fellowship, caring, friendship and practical training. All of these aspects of Biblical parenting are committed to living life and growing in the grace and knowledge of God through relationships that glorify God and look to God’s Word as the absolute standard.
Christian parenting is fellowship, fellowship, that is, in fact - “in the light.” Reading 1 John 1: we learn that when our fellowship is other than “in the light”, it is then “in darkness.” We live in a world that wants “the best of both worlds.” Both worlds are not a part of the mercy and grace of God. The Christian life is a life that is unequivocally yielded and committed to Jesus Christ as both our personal Saviour and Lord of our life. A Christian is one who has repented of (turned away from) known sin, and truly accepted Jesus Christ as his or her personal Saviour and Lord. To “accept” the Lord means to believe in God’s offer of forgiveness and reconciliation through the saving and keeping work of Jesus Christ. As the crucified, resurrected and mediating Saviour of mankind our Lord brings the believer into a relationship of walking in the light of truth and righteousness. In Exodus 10:23-12:11 we learn that a Christian home is a household where there is light in their dwellings; then it is a home publicly under the testimony of the blood publicly sprinkled upon their doorposts; they feast on the roast lamb and they maintain a readiness to take a journey.
For a home to be a truly Christian home it must be a home where those who live in that home have accepted Christ as their Saviour and Lord, but a Christian homelife is a life and lifestyle fellowshipping and modelled around Christ’s own life and teachings and based on the truth of God’s Special Revelation the Holy Bible.
Christian parenting is caring, 1 Thess. 2:7. Caring means providing the security that a child needs to happily function in this world. One generally thinks of the first level of responsibility to be to provide the child with the basics of security: i.e. the physical needs of one’s family, then the emotional needs and then the spiritual needs. Such security is a recognised central need of all mankind and should certainly be a priority of parenting To care as a Christian parent is different than in the world. For the genuine Christian parental care is to live, teach and provide for the physical needs from a distinctively Christian position. . To care -- or to demonstrate our love -- is to do that which is right and truly good for another. Caring is, in other words, to show – to truly demonstrate our love to our children. Christian caring speaks of directing, guiding and leading our family toward a self-discipline and a fear and respect for God, for His Word. To care is to be committed to Christ’s example or lifestyle of selflessness.
Paul dealt with the church at Thessalonica in a parental manner. A distinctively Christlike approach is one where we exhort wisely …inciting our children to right action based on the truth of God’s Word. The parent is to encourage his children by inspiring them to be courageous and full of hope by a loving and nurturing fellowship. The parent is to “charge” and to build a sense of shared vision in the family unit by entrusting the children with as much responsibility and decision making as they can possibly handle. Whenever possible the parent will delegate Bible analysis and interpretation to the children helping them to develop the skills needed to understand God’s Word. When, on the other hand, we give-in to the child, show a passive reaction to their disobedience or otherwise ‘spoil’ the child by ignoring their whining, crying, or tantrums, we add to the child’s sense of confusion and insecurity.
Christian parenting is friendship. John 15:13-16. Christ taught us that His Friendship is based on sharing personal information, or in other words, friendship is based on good quality communication. When the home is a place where the free-flow of Biblical information is important, Christlike friendship is a result. Good communication should without doubt be honest, , , and . Where these principles are practised as a part of normal homelife, the home will be a friendly place of growing friendships! Admonition is a direct explanation of the results of “folly,” and a detailed explanation of the benefits of mature wisdom. These matters need to be explained by word of mouth in a way which will control effectively the conduct of immature children. All such admonition – if it is to be consistent-- must be accompanied with Scriptural nurture. Nurture is the truth of God’s Word lived-out in the lives of the parents and shared as a positive example for the whole family to see.
Often parents are guilty of “nagging” i.e. impatiently, or angrily because the parent is offended, the parent’s will is disobeyed, or embarrassed. If on the other hand we tend to ignore or treat children in a patronising way they will naturally attempt to get our attention back. Children not being led toward open and honest relationships and friendships will turn to rebellious means – in fact they will turn to any number of stubborn or anti-social means to achieve their goal. Such will look like they need some sort of punishment but in reality they need the leadership and friendship of parents prepared to establish just rules and consistent supervision. Parental supervision is truly important so our children know the truth, the parent’s thinking, and the direction they need to take. Then they know they are truly loved – i.e. cared for – guided – supervised
Christian parenting is practical training. It is practical first of all because it is not a course or class but a detailed and daily lifestyle. The purpose of this practical commitment to training is centred around step by step character building. Such a process is admittedly slow and long-term in nature. Biblical child training stands on the foundation of the parent’s commitment to teach and demonstrate both the active and passive (or direct and indirect) truth and principles of living life. Ephesians 6:1-4 teach consistency
Modelling a Christlike consistency. Christian parenting is also dependent on a readiness or true willingness to deal in detail and within a framework of careful consistency. Such consistency is committed (Rom. 15:14 / 1 Cor. 5) to deal with the positive and negative needs, or issues and problems of a child or youth’s life. In Matthew eighteen Jesus teaches the three stages of care, reconciliation, and corrective-discipline. For the Christian family these three stages or steps, [though given primarily for the Christian within a local church situation,] may also demonstrate genuine care, consistent teaching and corrective-discipline within the family circle. Mt. 18:15-20.
First, consistent care: when a problem or an apparent problem is noticed the individual parent observing the problem goes personally to discuss the questionable act or attitude privately with the child. The purpose of this meeting is to clarify if a problem exists and to ask the errant child to stop and/or to change their direction.
If the problem is not resolved, i.e. the child does not listen; then, the second step, consistent teaching: calls responsible parents to meet and discuss the problem issue and the approach they believe to be a Biblical one. The parents determine which one will teach and warn the child of the seriousness of the problem. The parents must be able to point to their own lives as a model of the Biblical truth under discussion. The parents meet with the child and explain God’s standpoint from the Bible. The errant child should also be given the benefit of understanding why his or her actions lead to dangerous ramifications, side effects and to a potential necessity for discipline. The type and nature of the discipline should be fully explained.
The third step is consistent discipline and is required if there is no resolution of the problem or willingness to undue the habit. Then, discipline is applied –just as promised during the teaching in the second step. Further warnings are not helpful and threatenings are simply unChristlike.
Looking unto Jesus – who understood His priorities and stayed with the vision “of the joy” of accomplishing His Father’s will. Hebrews 12:1-13 (note: v.2) points to Christian priorities that need to be “born” from Christ’s own example. The value of our priorities must be assessed on the basis of the Divine teaching found in Hebrews chapter eleven and twelve. These popular verses “on faith” are greatly misunderstood. These passages are not calling us to some highly idealistic and emotional “following after” Jesus with a minimal cost; but, instead it is quite specific that the “cloud of witnesses” discussed in chapter eleven and “Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith” presented in chapter twelve have something special in common. These saints and our Saviour faced life’s most difficult choices with absolute resolve and self-discipline. A great cost was foreseen, understood and paid! These exemplary saints and our wonderful Saviour truly “stood alone.”
By training and disciplining our children to make the “hard choices” (2 Peter 3:14-18 – note vs. 16) in life we are preparing our children for the reality of a sinful world and the reality of dealing with their own sinful natures. By dealing with our children as God deals with His children we are helping them to face-up to their own personal responsibilities, and choices. “Human rights” and one’s “free will” is a most popular subject but our need for personal responsibility brings sobering reality to both of these subjects. Unless our children learn to deal with their sinful natures in a responsible and honest way they will only learn to realise their error when it is already too late. Habits, scars and pain harden the heart – better to learn the truth about our Creator, and God’s measures for dealing with sin ravaged life as soon as possible. Ecclesiastes 12:1-7
The Bible calls humanity to accept that it is wrong, when it is wrong. Christians, too, need to know that they are wrong when they are wrong. We all need God’s teaching, warnings, and correction, and our children need this same loving attention together with the corrective discipline available only from their parents. Not to discipline an errant child is to treat that child as if they are (Hebrews 12:8) bastards, or illegitimate (nasv) and obviously of no real concern or interest to us. Parental discipline, – rightly administered,-- one’s own self-discipline and one’s commitment to the high ideals of righteousness are all results or outcomes of a life bent back into the right way. Discipline is ‘part and parcel’ of a life that has set their eyes on Jesus as their example and motivation! A father must be aware and remain aware of the fact (Col. 1:29; Eph. 6:1-4; 1 Cor. 4:17) that his role and responsibility is one of reinforcing the family’s view of “God’s will and ways.” If the father wants to encourage the process of spiritual and moral “backbone” or convictions he must speak and live a life of genuine authority based in love and truth.
Service to others. Philippians 2:1-9 provides the Christian and the dedicated Christian family with a view of “others orientation” that is a central or over-ridding principle. Attention to others – to individuals - is paramount for those following Christ’s example and teaching! Planning how our family could serve others more effectively is only an obvious response. The coming of Christ to save the world from sin was not an after-thought, and our efforts – as followers of Christ -- at meeting other’s needs must not be left to some “half-sincere after-thought.”
Submission starts with our submitting ourselves to the control of the Spirit of God by increasingly studying and obeying the Word of God. Ephesians 5:1-12. Confessing a belief in the theory, or philosophy of Christianity and even our use of “God Words” i.e. the spiritual sounding words commonly related to Christianity, can never replace simple obedience and submission to God. Giving our finances, supporting good causes or even being outstanding parents or children can never replace submission to God and to others. Our need to serve and to submit to God and to others are related issues. Pride, and self-centredness are issues deserving our genuine effort and attention.
So many today are under the influence of worldliness in the forms of pluralism, hedonistic social norms, and now post-modern philosophy. These influences have now convinced so many that their own interpretation (hermeneutic) of life’s meanings can guide them through the maze of contemporary “hype” and confused opinions. In is setting it is so very important that we become aware of our own perceived abilities and capabilities. Then we must beware trusting in the “flesh” i.e. the confidence in human thought, logic and ability.
God’s own Special Revelation – the Word of God – stands alone in its life-changing ability. Unless the Word of God and the Spirit of God are given their rightful and due authority in our thinking and in influencing our actions we are already in much deeper trouble than we may know. We must come to a place where we are truly allowing the Word of God to direct us individually and where it guides our prayer, our worship, our service and our relationships.
